Thirteen Things I hated about The Da Vinci Code
"A book so bad it makes bad books look good." Author Salman Rushdie
1. The beginning was unbelievable, terrible, and it went downhill from there.
2. The writing was awful. Awful. Maybe a step above 'See Jane Run.' But not much above it.
3. The heroine loved her grandfather - but flipped out when she saw him during a strange ritual - and didn't speak to him for TEN YEARS and never demanded an explanation. The reason that Sophie Neveu disassociated herself from her grandfather is that she witnessed him participating in a pagan sex ritual at his home in Normandy, when she made a surprise visit there during a break from college. Well, didn't anyone tell her it was rude to drop in unnanounced??
4. The hero didn't see the mirror image writing. That was the stupidest puzzle and he couldn't figure it out.
5. The whole plot revolved around women and their place in the Catholic church - but in the end it just fizzled.
6. The docent at Rosslyn Chapel is giving a guided tour of Rosslyn Chapel to Langdon and Neveu when he sees the rosewood box they are carrying and realizes that it seems to be an exact duplicate of a box owned by his grandmother, who is the head of the trust that oversees the chapel. He is revealed to be Sophie's brother.
Brother and sister? Gag gag!
7. Trying to make St. John into a woman in the Last Supper painting was really dumb.
8. After being shot in the stomach, The grandfather (who the heorine won't speak to) uses the last minutes of his life to arrange a series of clues for his estranged granddaughter Sophie to unravel the mystery of his death and preserve the secret kept by the Priory of Sion. When you are shot in the stomach, you usually go into shock and die a painful death.
9. The plot claims that the Catholic Church has been involved in a conspiracy to cover up the true story of Jesus. This implies that the Vatican consciously knows it is living a lie, but does so to keep itself in power. But at the end of the book, nothing is ever done about this.
10. The true identity thing, the church trynig to kill the little children so they were separated at birth made me gag too. Did this guy watch too many episodes of Star Wars??
11. Dan Brown put this in the beginning of the book: "Fact: (...) All descriptions of artwork, architecture, documents, and secret rituals in this novel are accurate."
All I can say is "Bull Shit!"
12. The claim The Mona Lisa is actually a self-portrait by Leonardo as a woman made me go "Huh?"
13. The book's 'revelation' that the Holy Grail is the bloodline sprung from an apocryphal union between Jesus and Mary Magdalene which has been characterized by many textual and historical scholars as being both highly unlikely and not an original idea of Brown. I'd heard about that before. *yawn* So what?
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3. Jona's Thirteen
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