Saturday, July 22, 2006

Been gone

I've been remiss about writing in my blog, but I've had a very sad summer so far. In the space of a month, my father fell ill and died, and I will miss him dreadfully.

Now I am trying to think of other things and find joys in small things; thankfully that has always been easy for me. A butterfly, a summer storm, a book someone sent me, a bracelet from Lourdes, and a note written on rice paper...Every day brings small pleasures and my heart grows lighter. Today, I decided that my blog looked sad and empty and I found I wanted to change that.
I went back and found something I'd written about him a while ago and wanted to post it, so here it is:

I thought I knew my dad - well, I mean, I do know him. He's the best dad I could ever wish for. He built us a tree fort, he loved to do things with us, and he's always loved to take us places. He was never too busy for us. My sisters and brothers all agree - he is a terrific dad. Anyway, My uncle came to visit the other week. He came on an army plane, so he flew for free. He was in the army for ages, and he fought in Vietnam and in the first Gulf War. He's NRA all the way, and a right wing conservative. I, (being a bleeding heart liberal,) get along really well with him, lol. Actually, we get along great. We both love to talk, and we both love to discuss matters. Well, we were discussing the war (both of us firmly on our sides, neither giving an inch, but having a good time.) and he said, "well, your dad would agree (I forgot what we were arguing about) because he fought in the Korean war."
I knew that. But you know what? It didn't mean anything to me. I never learned about the Korean war. I imagined him on a boat somewhere (marine = boat) And then my uncle said, "Yeah, he was in the battle of the Chosin Resevoire" in a tone of voice that could only be described as awe. I had no idea what that was. And so, to educate me, my uncle sent me a book to read. It was pretty amazing. I thought I knew everything about my dad, and here I discover he was in the marines, in the Fox company, fighting an amazing battle in the Chosin resevoire. (He just says, 'yeah, I fought against the Chinese and crossed the frozen Chosin.') Well, the book is the story told by different soldiers - it's called 'The Korean War, From Pusan to Chosin', and it's compiled by Donald Knox. It is just an amazing book. My son is reading it now, and he won't put it down. I thought I knew my history, but I didn't. And I missed something important about my dad too.
It puts another facet on the diamond that's my dad. He shines even brighter now.

I wrote that a while ago, and I wish I'd had more time to talk to him - but I suppose we always think that when someone we love passes away.
Mostly, I like to look at the photos I have of him and remember the things he did or said - he had a wonderful sense of humor and was always telling a funny story or a joke.
Here is a photo of my father when he was 18 and had just joined the marines.

Dad, I'm going to miss you.


Bonita said...

{{{{{Jenn/Sam}}}}}I can never find the right words to express my feelings at times like this. However, you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. A father can never be replaced, but at least his wonderful memories will live on with you and your children.
Hugs and Kisses

Sam said...

Thanks Bonita - I appreciate your kind words. My dad will be missed by all - he really was a sweet person.

Typing Slave said...

I am so sorry to hear about your Dad. I lost mine in 1999 before he could walk me down the aisle or meet his grandchildren. I'm getting choked up thinking about it, but Bonita is right about the memories. I enjoy telling my kids about their "Grandpa Tom" and have even written a few children's books starring him as the hero. I know you can write those!

Jody W.

Sam said...

Thanks Jody - and (((HUGS))) for your dad too. I'm sad but relieved he was only ill for a short time.
Typing slave? lol - now there's a good nick-name for a writer!

Kate R said...


I'm sorry. It's really hard and I'm just sorry.

Kate R said...

dave barry wrote a piece about his dad dying "a million words"

No matter how much you say there's always more.

Sam said...

Thanks Kate - yes, it is hard and I won't pretend it isn't. I like Dave's expression. Nice.

Jona said...

Oh Sam, I'm so sorry. Take care.

Jenny said...

Sam, I've been wondering where you are, why I didn't hear from you when you were in NY, and hoping you were OK! I'm so very sorry to hear about your dad - I'm glad you have wonderful memories of him! Hugs and warm wishes to you and your family!

Wynn Bexton said...

I was worried, when you didn't post, that things hadn't gone well with your dad's illness and I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Having lost my own dear dad several years ago (and I still think about him and 'talk' to him all the time!) I can relate to the feeling. By the way, the photo is a beautiful remembrance.

So sorry for your loss.

Michelle B said...

Sam, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. *hugs*

Sam said...

Hi Jenny,
Sorry I didn't get to see you but there will be other times, I hope!
Thanks for the kind words about my dad, I do feel grateful for the wonderful memories I have of him!

Sam said...

Wynn, thanks for the compliment about his photo - he was such a handsome man!

Michelle - thanks for the hugs!

Daisy Dexter Dobbs said...

Oh, Sam, I am so very sorry for your loss. I was so hoping your father would be all right. There’s nothing I can really say to lessen the pain of losing your parent, but please know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

He was, indeed, a handsome man and your post was a beautiful and loving tribute.

Erin the Innocent said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad Sam *HUGS*

I hope the good memories of him that you have bring you peace and smiles when you think of him : )

Bernita said...

My condolences.
It's a new kind of lonliness.

Tara Marie said...

Sam, I'm so sorry to hear about your dad passing. {{{Hugs}}} Tara

December Quinn said...

Oh, Sam, I'm so sorry to see that your handsome Daddy is gone. {{{hugs}}}.

Dakota Cassidy said...

aw, honey. I'm so sorry. May you find peace and comfort soon, honey.

DC :)

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